Entry for January 09,2006

Entry for January 09, 2006
Caitlin is having a good day. She has been pretty stable and doing good on her new ventilater. I have not got to hold her yet but that's ok. We want her to get a little bit more used to her new breathing machine so we don't want to put to much on her at once. Maybe in the next couple years. She is off alot of her meds, she is off her insulin(for her surgar levels) her dopimine(for her low blood pressure) also she is off her fetnyl(sedatinon to relax her) so we are going the right direction. Cailtin's nurse today said how fiesty she was and that is a good sign because it means she is a fighter. Cailtin definitly has a mind of her own because she always lets you know what she wants. Diana, our favorite nurse from the other hopsital and our new buddy is coming to see Cailtin tomorrow. I told Cailtin and she is very excited and can't wait. I bought her some little onsies and socks for her to wear in a couple more weeks. They are so small and still might be a little big on her. It is hard to find preemie cloths. Today i went to the mortuary to finalize arrangments for Madilyns Funeral and also had to get the girls birth certificates and Maddie's death certificate, that was a bit hard but some how I got through it strong. I picked a spot for where Madilyn will be burried next to a whole bunch of other babies and in the sun. That way she will have alot of little buddies to play with and the sun will shine on her. We are going to bury her in a couple weeks. I never thought I would have to bury any of my children. The mommies and daddies are suppose to go first but I guess things happen for a reason. Madilyn will always be Cailtins little shadow so she can watch over Cailtin and protect her. Whenever I think of Cailtin I always think of Madilyn as well, she will forever be a part of us and will never be forgotton. Well better get my zzzzzzzzzzz's