Entry For December 07,2005

Entry for December 07, 2005
My name is Melissa and I wanted to start this blog to doccument my pregnancy, well starting from when I PPROM'ed whic means premature rupture of membranes. I am starting this a little bit late, for one I could not figure out how to get a blog, then I wasn't sure whether or not to write about it so I will try and detail the last 5 weeks till now and hopefully keep updating daily.Well first off My name is Melissa as I had metioned and I am married to Jesus, I have a 2.5 yr old named Dillon and I was pregnant with twin girls.It took us a bit to get here through IVF but have been blessed to get pg 2 times in a row from IVF.First one resulting in my son and second one resulting in twin girls. However I lost one of my girls at 21wk6/7 here is how that part began.November 5th 12 amI woke up and felt leaking wasn't sure what it was but when I felt a gush I just knew I had broke my bag of water. Jesus was just getting home and I told him we have to go to the hospital I think I broke my water,He got so worried as well as I was but was just so numb didn't know what to say. We got to the hospital and they did confirm I had ruptured one of my girls bags, Me and my husband were so devastated, they told us that basiclly I was to go home and wait to misscarry.How could they tell me that?These were my little girls, I was so scared and not sure what to expect how can I just go home and wait for them to come out what would I do with them,I didn't know what to do but to go home and just wait.Next morning me and Jesus went to another hospital, I could not just wait and not do nothing.We went to the other hospital and we were there all day long,we had an ultra sound done and then again confirmed that I had ruptured but that our other little girl had a full sac of water and own pacenta and she was doing great. Both the girls heart beats were still beating, I couldn't believe it, I guess I did not know what to expect though.They gave me so many indications of what could happen, here they are-1.I could go into labor anytime and deliver them both.2.I could go into labor and deliver the one who ruptured and possibly keep the other twin in.3.My body could get a big infection that could cause me to lose my uterus and have to deliver.I could not believe it and was so so scared. how was I suppose to deal with this, what am I going to do and why can't I stop this?So after our long day we decided to wait it out risk an infection to save my girls lives and just strict bedrest at home, if I made it to 24 weeks then I would get admitted into the hospital and then put on steroid shots to try and boost thier lungs. Had an appointment with out periontoligist on monday and we would get more detail, they tried to cancel me for the next day but I said no way I have been waiting all weekend there is no way I am waiting one more day. We met with the peri and they of course gave us our risk and even told us the girls could have extreme dissibilites it was hard to hear but still didn't change our minds,we were also advised to ossibly terminate the pregnancy to save from infection, not an option for us we said.Weeks went by I was on strct bedrest, continued to leak fluid and even had bleeding here and there, even clots, each day was so scary and so long to get to the next but I was detrmined to save my girls. We had blood test done weekly to check for infection and even had u/s to check on fluid and how they were doing. Madilyn still had no fluid but still had her heartbeat, Caitlin still had all her fluid and also a strong heartbeat. Now I PPROM'ed at 18 weeks 5 days so getting to the 24 week mark was going to be a long road but I was determined!!!Well Friday November 25th I went back into the hospital because i was staring to bleed a little bit more then what I was used to and even had bigger clots, stayed there all night and they kept a close watch on me, I was even having contractions but really not feeling them. They did an ultra sound sat morning and it looked like Madilyn was right now my cervix but they felt it was ok for me to go home because my bleeding had slowed down and wasn't to bad anymore. We went home and i layed low all day, that night I started to bleed some more and calle dthe Dr , she said just keep an eye and if it started getting really bad to go back, I said alright.Sun November 27 , 5 am I woke up still bleeding but I felt as though Madilyns foot was out in my cervix, oh my goodness that was scary, called the Dr told my husband so we went back in. Sure enough it was her foot. I was so sad and scared I tried so hard to keep them in there safe but I guess it was time for her to come on out. I was having contractions and 7 hours later Madilyn was born at 1:30 pm, she passed away a couple hours later in our arms, I couldn't believe it, I was so sad and cried and cried, along with Jesus and my mom, after I had her I was still having contarctions, I was praying they would stop so that I could atleast hold on to Caitlin so I could get her further along so she had a chance to survive, Finally they stopped in the later evening and I was being closely watched still numb from having Madilyn but I was happy that I was hopefully going to carry Caitlin a little longer.Well that brings us here to Today, I have been in the hospital for a week in a half. I havent had any more contractions and Caitlin has been doing so good. I had an Ultra Sound done on monday and it looks like my cervix might have closed back up and I am at a 2.1 cm long on my cervix.I have been on Antibiotics since I came into the hospital and not really sure how long I will stay on them. It has been a scary road not sure what each day is going to bring not even the next 5 mins but some how with god'strength I have been pretty strong.See I have renewed my relationship with god through all of this which has been so awesome and I have had so many people praying for us, this has been so good because he has been giving me so so much strength to try to not get upset over Madilyn so I can be strong for Caitlin, I am not sure if I have totaly mourned Madilyn's death yet but just try not to get to upset right now because I really do need to be strong for Caitlin. Today has been an ok day Caitlin is right onmy cervix today kicking away which scares me because that is what i felt from Madilyn the day before she came out so I am hoping that Caitlin moves up soon so she does not disturb my cervix and want to come out yet. I am 23 weeks and 2 days right now.Almost close to that golden 24 week viable stone but the longer she stays in the better.They will give me steroids at 24 weeks and we will go from there. I will try and post each day my progress it will be a little more easier because then I can be more detailed. So thats it for my first post, a long one I know but had to try and start the story some how. Well until tomorrow.Melissa 23wks2/7